Had we but world enough, and time

Today's read - - carpe diem.

To his Coy Mistress

by Andrew Marvell

Had we but world enough, and time,
This coyness, lady, were no crime.
We would sit down and think which way
To walk, and pass our long love's day;
Thou by the Indian Ganges' side
Shouldst rubies find; I by the tide
Of Humber would complain. I would
Love you ten years before the Flood;
And you should, if you please, refuse
Till the conversion of the Jews.
My vegetable love should grow
Vaster than empires, and more slow.
An hundred years should go to praise
Thine eyes, and on thy forehead gaze;
Two hundred to adore each breast,
But thirty thousand to the rest;
An age at least to every part,
And the last age should show your heart.
For, lady, you deserve this state,
Nor would I love at lower rate.

        But at my back I always hear
Time's winged chariot hurrying near;
And yonder all before us lie
Deserts of vast eternity.
Thy beauty shall no more be found,
Nor, in thy marble vault, shall sound
My echoing song; then worms shall try
That long preserv'd virginity,
And your quaint honour turn to dust,
And into ashes all my lust.
The grave's a fine and private place,
But none I think do there embrace.

       Now therefore, while the youthful hue
Sits on thy skin like morning dew,
And while thy willing soul transpires
At every pore with instant fires,
Now let us sport us while we may;
And now, like am'rous birds of prey,
Rather at once our time devour,
Than languish in his slow-chapp'd power.
Let us roll all our strength, and all
Our sweetness, up into one ball;
And tear our pleasures with rough strife
Thorough the iron gates of life.
Thus, though we cannot make our sun
Stand still, yet we will make him run.

http://www.luminarium.org/sevenlit/marvell/coy.htm

Mum says: I don't know about your strange way of thinking, or what you were doing, but look..., and why have other people gotten to where they are now?

Two of my friends who have graduated in the same month as I have, and have found great jobs. One at dbs, one at pwc in hk. Even my cousin recently scored the highest for his first year business law exam, and is best friends with the business law lecturer. While I am nowhere. I am merely reading off sales invoices and payment vouchers, and typing into a UBS accounting software in my dad's stifling office.  Last saturday afternoon, even as my mother kept on showing how disappointed she was during a big argument over nothing in the car, it was true, I couldn't feel more sorry for myself and wonder that I missed out on a lot of opportunities. Was anything I did or think, worth it? I know now that you only ever do anything for yourself. No one's responsible for yourself, but yourself.  

My life sucks. I am nowhere.

Too many chances.

Where is this love....... that you speak of? I can't see it, I can't taste it, and I certainly can't feel it.

I hate these long periods of absences, where you leave me or I leave you. But you, in the midst of this - I can leave a job for my parents (but not for you), (of course I miss you but,) the first thing I want to do when I get home is meet my friends because I haven't got the chance to see them all year, I only wanted a conversation for the two hour drive, ok so let's just forget whatever I just brought up (that made you cry so hard) cause we're here now, and I don't want to spoil the holiday, I have to change my attitude because even you can't seem to stand me anymore, I miss you, you should come back for a holiday, - you enjoy it don't you? Maybe because you pretend to love me when I'm not there.

And What About Change Now?

I thought you did take me seriously, but it appears you won't ever change. I try to tell you but you were never listening because you think you know what's more right and I'm wrong and I should go and have a think about it, so what was the point of bringing it up anyway? So it's pretty fucking ironic when you say communication is the most important thing for two people in a relationship. It was never giving myself too many chances, it was giving you too many chances.

Yes i think about how i try to bring something up but always end up apologising for it.

I think about how it might have been
We'd spend our days travelin'
It's not that I don't understand you
It's not that I don't want to be with you
But you only wanted me
The way you wanted me

So, I will head out alone and hope for the best
And we can hang our heads down as we skip the goodbyes
You can tell the world what you want them to hear
I've got nothing left to lose, my dear
So, I'm up for the little white lies
But you and I know the reason why
I'm gone, and you're still there

So, I will head out alone and hope for the best
We can pat ourselves on the back and say that we tried
And if one of us makes it big
We can spill our regrets
And talk about how the love never dies
But you and I know the reason why
I'm gone, and you're still there

Reason why - Rachael Yamagata

When you tell me that other people understand you better, I am tired and I think you no longer try to listen to what I am saying.

You are my exception.

But you and I both have no idea what we have got ourselves into. 

My heart is bursting in your perfect eyes, as blue as oceans as pure as skies.